Here's the deal. I don't really feel like talking about knitting today. If that's what you came here for, then stop now. Knitting content will return in a day or so and I have some neat pictures of the Figure 8 Cast-On to show you.
Today I feel like ranting a bit. Well, not really rant. Just vent some frustration and personal contemplation.
From the time I was a kid and learned how to speak English (and speak it better than the other 6-year olds), I've basically wanted to write. Write about anything but I figured out pretty quickly what I liked the best. It wasn't fiction. I tried that and it was very awkward. I was self-conscious. You can't be a fiction writer if you're timid that way. I was good at writing essays, papers, etc., anything that I could inject my personal opinion in some way. And I loved writing dialogue. I'm not the wittiest or the pithiest but I listen very well and I appreciate a clever tongue.
Then along came my first real camera, a Pentax K1000, totally manual except for the light meter. I spent nights and weekends in the darkroom. I took pictures of nudes, dogs, mountains, cars, people I didn't know. Gradually I saw a pattern - I was trying to tell stories with my photos. I wanted to generate discussion and inspire dialogue using pictures.
But. As some of you Asian readers out there know, there is a great deal of pressure to go to school for a zillion years, learn the hard stuff (math, engineering, medicine), move on to a successful, demanding career and make gobs of money as a VIP in your chosen-for-you field. There is no room for anything artsy and creative.
I followed the conventional route as best I could and I've done all right but my heart's not in it. Because of that, I feel like I haven't done as well as I could have. I should be VP of something by now but instead I keep telling myself I need a life.
Now I'm at a quandry. Blogging has introduced a photojournalistic outlet for me that has also emphasized something else - I'd rather be doing this than my real job. Don't get me wrong, my company is great! And there are avenues in the company that I could take to satisfy some of this writing need. But. I'm afraid. I've never done any freelance work, ever. And that's what I'll have to do in order to get anything noticed.
I'm not saying that the opportunities need to come to me rather than me seek them out; it's just that...I want to make sure I know an opportunity when I see one. Make sense? And not have fear.
So this is my post for the day. Nothing about knitting. Just more about life.