Have I Finally Grown Up?

When I turned 30 my expectation was that I would reach full maturity and sophistication. You know, like a piece of fruit that you bought a little green that suddenly becomes ripe overnight sitting on the counter.

Turns out that never happened. I mean, it didn't feel like it happened. Although friends would say I'm really quite mature, what do they know because most of them are younger than me anyway.

All through my 30's I kept waiting for some sign that indicated I was grown up. I bought a house. I bought a car. I invested in stocks, mutual funds and 401k's. I took trips overseas and stayed in fancy hotels. I was promoted a few times at work. I had a long, stable relationship with a guy and we eventually married. We had a baby. Was I mature yet?

If I had asked myself that at 39 my answer would've been, "Almost." Now I'm 40 and sliding towards 41. The answer at this very moment is, "Yes, I'm really grown up."

You're probably thinking I'm either going through menopause or my birthday is coming up. Neither is true! What prompted this is I'm planning my daughter's 2nd birthday next month. Two whole years of baby goodness have gone by really fast. And in those two years I've finally felt like, well, a grown up woman. It hit me the other day - I'm planning a huge birthday party for my child. How mature that sounds. Wow. Being a mom does weird things like that to you.

Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones sums it up the best, "It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage." And my odometer has seen a lot of miles racked up lately.

BTW. That's the Skating Sweater in size medium from Twinkle's Big City Knits. I used Muench Big Baby and the whole sweater took less than a week, even with my hectic schedule. When I was knitting the thing, it looked like it would never fit - the piece was like large tube - but the yarn stretches and is form-fitting. I chose Big Baby because it was in my stash, but poor Karalyn was gipped out of a baby blanket.

Trumpets please! After a couple of years sitting in my WIP basket, Wiggles and Waves is finally finished. This pattern is from Blue Moon Fiber Arts and uses 2 different Sock Candy yarns. This project has been around so long, I don't have the yarn ball bands anymore. I knit with needles one size larger than called for. I paid for that mistake because I ran out of the blue variegate to make long sleeves. And I couldn't find the yarn anymore. But it's done and Karalyn will wear it either this summer or next. Woohoo!

Ode to Stripes

For those who feared I had abandoned knitting altogether, think again! Aside from various socks and mittens for the wee one, I raced through a sweater for the Lil Babe. I give you - the Striped Sweater from Yarn Girls' Guide to Kids Knits. Ta-dah!

I finished this, what...a week ago. I don't even remember all the pattern details now. The yarn came from my stash: RYC Cashsoft Aran (a washable, cashmere and merino blend) in colors Foxglove, Haze and Bud. I had just enough plus a couple of skeins leftover for fingerless gloves later (hmm, Fetching comes to mind).



Karalyn on the back step. Adorable, yes? The sweater is huge on her. I think it's a size 2 toddler which was oversized anyway. Hopefully she can wear this in the fall too.

I've already moved on to other projects. I'm almost finished with the Twinkle Skating Sweater from Twinkle's Big City Knits. Also back on the needles is Karalyn's Wiggles and Waves cardigan which I am determined to finish before her 2nd birthday. This one is done except for the edging. I'll have pix of both next week, but keep your fingers crossed.

How Happy Are You Now?

Lately I've been a grump.

I'm prone to bouts of unhappiness anyway but the weekend before last, I was simply mean. Details are not necessary here since rehashing it would only make me mad again (and a little ashamed). I've been trying to figure out why I've been unhappy. Life is nice: great husband and marriage, wonderful daughter and lovely family, decent job, decent money, terrific house, good health, all the yarn a knitter could ever want! So why the grumps?

This morning I spent some time reading a series of happiness articles on CNN and Oprah.com to try to figure it out. I took a quiz and scored myself - 27. This score is fairly high on the happiness scale actually, but also misleading. The questions in the quiz are very general. For example, if I had to live my life over again I would be OK to do it the same way except for one thing, and unfortunately that one thing is critical. I scored that question only a 5 out of 7.

The articles cite Dr. Robert Holden, an expert in the study of the pursuit of happiness. And he nailed my problem exactly - he calls it the "destination addiction" where you're contstantly looking for the next thing, the "more" that's going to make you happy once you obtain it. By doing so, you cannot be happy in the here and now, you are not satisfied with what you already have or have accomplished.

I've known this about myself for years except I've always labeled it as goal-setting. I can't be happy if I don't have something I'm working towards. I have really bought into the whole idea of happiness being in the journey, in the creative effort. So where and what has this gotten me? Far and a lot. I have achieved most everything that's important to me (see the list in the first paragraph). And now ironically, the question I'm asking myself is, "What's next?"

Well, I've got to figure out how to be content with all my life's riches. I have to look at my actual and metaphorical stash and say, "By golly I don't need to acquire any more, I already have enough wonderful stuff here to last me a very long time." I really have everything I need; now I should start creating beautiful things with it.

I agree with Dr. Holden in some ways. I agree that there can be such a concept as "destination addiction," but I actually believe that this addiction can be a good thing depending on your circumstances. It can get you out of a rut. It can motivate you to achieve your goals. It can help you realize your dream. But we also need to understand that at some point we don't have to keep reaching...we are there. And that life is good where we are and we need to keep it that way.

A little happiness here....